Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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