WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
