Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
