Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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