i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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