It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
