Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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