the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
