i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
