so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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