there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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