He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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