I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
