I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
