i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
