I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
