dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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