I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did i walk over a car last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
