Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
