im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then my night got REAL pukey
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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