he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
