Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
