Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
