Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
