I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
