fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
