this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
