An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
