why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
