either way he was missing a nipple.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
