Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
