Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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