According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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