Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
