Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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