you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
