I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
