she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
