Cold hands, warm shart.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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