I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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