he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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