dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
