i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
