im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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