i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
