I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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