you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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