She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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