I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
