Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
