Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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