went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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