He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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