Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
