Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
