fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
